The Avengers:3D Experience

How do you eat lunch when you’re squirming to see “The Avengers”? You stuff the whole thing down your throat hard, praying your eyes do not pop out of their sockets. We did, or at least I did. People I know swore about the movie. Its going to be the best movie of the year they say. Wait. What did I have for lunch? I couldn’t remember.

We rushed to the escalator of GMall to catch the 2:30 movie schedule. On the way I thought a cup of brewed coffee from CHiCCOS would be perfect – the contrast of numbing air-condition inside the cinema and the hot liquid creeping through my esophagus seemed so inviting. Two cups of brewed coffee at P90 per cup (which is P180 in total) were coming right up. I heard the cash register went “bling”, “bling”. Instinctively my hand felt my wallet. Nah, this is once in a lifetime.

Our hearts sank upon seeing the movie cashier populated by long lines of dark-skinned malays under various heights, apparels, and hair-dos. All the cinemas at GMALL showing “The Avengers” were full to the brim.  And while we were discussing our options we heard a movie staff announced “all seats for the 3:30 show are taken”. I turned to see my young daughter and my testosterone-driven son stood like zombies, eyes not flinching, with looks of despair falling down their faces.

“Let’s try NC Mall”,

“NC Mall, Yeheeey!” the young girl shouted.

“What if it’s also full?” testosteron asked.

We leaped towards the parking area, skidded down its long, steep curves and found ourselves at the NC Mall underground parking space, in maybe 5 minutes ( yeah its really more than that). On the third floor, I could smell body heat spewed freely all over the building. The music from the rows of video games were blaring. I had never seen NC Mall so populated. I felt like I was in a trance - I see lips, tongues, thin face, round face, oblong face, bloated belly, plain torso, children screaming, black heads, white heads, gray heads, etc. But the most despairing sight of all was the long lines of people towards the cinemas.

  

As we were easing our way in the long line, my wife says,

“Why don’t I check the cashier and inquire about the other cinemas if they’re not so full?”

“Good Idea.” I said.

After a minute the wife came back excited.

“The 3D cinema is soooo vacant. No one’s lining up there.”

“Good. How much is a ticket?”

“P220 per head”

“My…”

After about, a twinkling of an eye, I said,

“Okey, let’s go. Let’s watch it 3D”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

My hand felt my wallet again.

We were first in the line of 10 people. No one was allowed to enter the theater until the show ended and the people got out. After 5 minutes of slumping all my body weight on my two worn out -43 year - old legs, I went toward the lady guard and asked,

“Excuse me, when do we get our 3D eye glasses?”

“When you’re seated in sir.”

“Okay”

To keep my mind away from my aching legs, I read the bulletin on the wall directly in front of me. It was a disclaimer – “in case of damaged or destroyed 3D eye glasses, a penalty of P4, 000.00 shall be imposed”. I felt a rush of concern coming through me. I turned to my companions - a wife, 10 year old daughter and a teenage son. Sternly I said,

“Whatever you’ll do inside, never, ever, do anything stupid on the 3D eye glasses. Okay?”

“Okay” the two kids replied.

“Or else, I’ll give you two as the payment”

We finally got in. The 3D eyeglasses were handed carefully to us one by one. They came with clear plastic wrappers. While the rest of the eye glasses have cords mine did not have one. I stormed to the cinema lady again.

“Why is my 3D eye glass does not have any cord? Is this normal?”

“It’s alright sir”

“Can I have another one?”

“That will be fine sir”

“Okay”

Finally, after the long and tiresome traversing, running, standing, waiting, we settled on our nice, soft and cold chairs.

“I need to pee” I heard myself saying.

“My goodness. Now? Alright, Tea and I will go first then you and Gio next”

“Okay”

“Watch my bag”

“No problem”

After about 15 minutes, the wife and the little girl came back and effortlessly settled on their chairs. I stood up, tapped my son gently on the shoulder and said,

“Gio, would you like to pee?”

“No”

“You don’t want your urinary bag bursting out when Thor hammers down Loki’s butt right?”

“No”

“Take a leak!”

“No”

“Last chance.”

“No”

“Okay”

In the course of the movie I went to the rest room twice – first when Black Widow showed off her fat behind and second when the green Hulk rag-dolled Loki on the cold pavement of Stark tower. And for the rest of the movie, I should say you’ll miss ¾ of your life if you don’t watch it, and half if you don’t watch it in 3D.