It’s been a while since my last post here. I see dusts and cobwebs in this blog. I know what this means. I have broken a cardinal rule in blogging, i.e., to regularly posts to make it work. My writing is a hiccup of inspired moments followed by prolonged flat lines. The writing engine is not working as it should.
Most probably it is because I had wrong inspiration about blogging. I remember wanting to be an artist with writing as a medium. And I had to be a true artist – that is, putting on a lifestyle and a mindset of an artist. I had to embody the artist to be authentic. Wrong! No wonder I was drifting fast towards emptiness. I was seeking my identity as an artist than finding such identity in Christ.
I remember Paul saying “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Gal. 2:20, ESV). How could I forget this so soon! Like Paul, I must remind myself again and again that I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I that lives but it is Christ who lives in me. The life that I live is a life of faith in Christ.
Time and again, I was drawn back to the old me, the old insecurity, the old pathetic habit of finding and seeking myself, my identity, my pride.The problem is that the self is a blackhole - a vacuum sucking in the very life that I am trying to find. I am constantly betrayed by the seeming promise it dangles before me - the promise of self fulfillment. There is no true life in seeking and finding the self. True life is found in losing it in Christ and taking his instead. Jim Elliot said "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose."
Here I am, posting a blog entry again in this dusty blog but no longer seeking to be an artist per se. I am no longer seeking an identity apart from Christ.This blog is now simply a tool to share the truth about Christ, a medium to make Christ known to the world and nothing more. Paul again says “For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.” (1 Cor. 2:2, ESV).